Saturday, January 31, 2015

The question and my life.

Missionary or not I am still a human being full of mistakes and regrets. But with the Atonement, anyone and everyone can change.

As a missionary you are always asked deep questions. Sometimes you have to spill your testimony right then and there. Sometimes it is the most random questions. I normally get these questions from people who don't know anything about the Church. But on this rare occasion I was asked this question by a girl I looked up to when I was young.

"How are you? Are you loving your mission? I have to admit I never would of thought that you would be on your mission given the history. Well I guess that's why I wanted to talk to you because I feel like I can relate to you more than other missionaries.
I want to know if it's ok, why did you decide to go on your mission? What made that change in your heart to be where and who you are now? Like we've shared stories and experiences, things we know that weren't all that great. And I'm having trouble getting back to that relationship with God and the church that I used to have.but knowing you made that change and went on your mission, it made me so happy for you and I strongly feel that you are the one to give me any advice or answers. If it's too personal I understand. I feel like maybe you could shed some light on some things."

When I read this, I was shocked. You don't understand how much I looked up to this girl. I always admired her! And I still do!!
My Life. (well part of it)
aka my answer.
I am good!!!! I love my mission! It is the best thing that I probably have ever done and will ever do. I have met so many cool and interesting people that have changed my life!!! My heart has grown! Man, I can't even tell you how much I love my mission! 
Haha! You are not the first one who has admitted that. I think I shocked EVERYONE; including my parents. I didn't even know I was going on a mission. Ha. Life is funny sometimes. 
Dude I love sharing my conversion story! You out of a lot of people know that I was never active in Church. Maybe there were times that my family and I went every week but I was not living the Gospel. I was no where near living the Gospel and I didn't want to. I went to Church because later I could go out with friends. But then there came a point where I told my mom I am not going anymore. And there was so much problems at home. And I just had so much anger towards the church. You have no idea. I remember that when I was in Young Womens whenever a girl didn't come we would go see them. Then when I left, no one came to visit me or to see if I was okay, etc. I hated everyone and everything. That was when I said " Eff this. I am done" I just didn't want anything to do with it. I have made A LOT of mistakes. I am pretty sure there entire world knows it too. I had word of wisdom issues and also law of chastity problems. But I was happy, or at least I thought I was. And i was having fun and that is all I cared about for the time being.
Then I got into my car accident. I forgot everything! I didn't remember who I was nor who were my parents! I didn't remember my religion, I didn't know what 2 +2 was. So life went on, I no longer knew I was a member of the Church and I was perfectly fine with that.

Then the boy missionaries, the Elders, came one day. It was Elder Spears and Elder Mikesell. SO I went to church alone. And I was like what 19? My parent's didn't want to come so I didn't know where to go. I wasn't in YW, and I felt too young for Relief Society. So After a while at church I went home. I was like yeahhh this is not for me. Then the YSA sisters came over. YSA was just re-opened. But the moment that I met Sister Evans, Sister O'hara and Sister Whetten, I fell in love with them! They were funny and great. So I started to hang out with them. Then I went to church. It was just Daisy, Emm and I. As little as the branch was, I felt at home. it was weird. So I never stopped going. Then Sister Cable came to YSA, and she changed my life. I love her so much. Where I am right now I owe some part to her. By this time I have been at church for about 2-3 months. She mentioned that I would be such a great missionary. I thought nothing of it. At this time I was learning what it is to be active in church vs active in the gospel. Missionaries, LIVE the gospel. unfortunately, members sometimes are just active in church. 
Active in Church: You do what you are told you are suppose to do. Go to church, take the sacrament, follow commandments cause ya know God said to. Everything is like a routine. You do it because its all you have ever done since you were born. Or you do it because you are forced.
Living the Gospel: you understand why we take the sacrament, you have a deep testimony of things you know. You are obedient because you WANT to be obedient. You follow everything because you know the blessings it gives you. You read your scriptures because they are helping you receive revelation from our Heavenly Father. You are always serving people, you do these willingly. Not because you feel that you have to or that your parents are telling you. it comes from the heart, you do it with all your heart, might, mind, and strength.
When Sister Cable told me that I should be a missionary, I let it go. Then one day my family was arguing like never before. I knelt down and I asked God, I opened my heart to Him. I told Him that I would do ANYTHING for my family to be blessed and to progress in some type of way. I would do anything He told me to do. I would give Him everything all He would have to do is tell me what I needed to do. Then I was told to serve Him. I thought okay! I'll go do service in the community, help those in need, things got better but still the arguing was going on. Again, in deep sincere prayer I told Him, I am doing what you told me to do! What more can I do? I heard a voice saying "Serve me" then Sister Cable's comment came to my mind. I prayed again because I didn't want to go on a mission. But the more I prayed about it the stronger the voice was. So I said " Heavenly Father, I know that whatever I have, you will accept, but I have one thing you want and I don't want to give it up... Please... Help me give up my agency."
You see our agency is the only thing that truly is ours. That God can take away EVERYTHING but we still have our agency. And with that I went on to start my mission papers. I went on a mission because I was told to Serve Him who created me. And because I love my Heavenly Father I did it.

It wasn't an easy process. You see when you decide to serve God, Satan attacks more than ever before. The family problems didn't go away, but it became easier to bear. It became easier to handle. Why? I was now dependable on the Lord more than ever before. He was there with me. I wasn't alone. Yes I did still suffer but now it was two people pulling the weight not just one.

Then Satan saw that I wasn't going to give up. Because that would've been easy. I could've just have said I am done with this and walk away and forget everything. But the Lord gave me strength. As Satan was reminding me of the mistakes I have done in my life, the Lord was saying "I still love you, I need you right now, There are people waiting for you, I have paid the price for you, please listen to me"
So there I was going through emotional problems ( my family) physical problems (I wasn't in the best condition), psychological problems ( Satan telling me I wasn't enough) I was being beat in every way possible.
I started my mission papers. I applied the atonement in my life. EVERYDAY. I always thought I was never going to be forgiving for my sins. I mean I did the sin next to murder. I was not pure. I was not chaste. I was not "the perfect mormon" But when I had my interview with my Branch President, he asked if I had stopped doing all that I have done, I said yes. I had my interview with the Stake president, he asked the same thing I said yes. My mission papers were now in. This is when it all started.
The problems got worse. my mom was getting mad at for me everything. My brother hated me. My dad was just there. my parents were arguing like never before. There was times when I was close to doubting my faith. Doubting God. Doubting the Lord. But my mission call came and I knew this is it. I couldn't go back . I promised the Lord that I was going to serve him. Whether at that point I wanted to or not. But I was going. Then I got my temple recommend. Sister Cable was my escort. I went through the temple. I knew then that God forgave me. I felt Him with me. He was there in the Celestial room with me. He touched me. I know He did. Then the hardest part came, forgiving myself. And I did.

I love my family. I wanted them to be blessed. But I came on my mission because I love the Lord more. For He saved me, He healed my wounds, He protected me when things got rough. I am who I am because of the Lord, because I humbled myself to let Him change me.

And it wasn't a night to day process. It took a while. But I have never been happier in my life.

If there is something I can tell you to help you. Let the Lord in. You know the picture where He is knocking on the Door? There is no doorknob from the outside. There is only one way He will ever get in... And it is if you let Him in. Let Him heal you. Let Him change you. Let His love transform you. Read the scriptures. Apply the scriptures in your life. Serve Him.

1 Nephi 22:25
 And he gathereth his children from the four quarters of the earth; and he numbereth his sheep, and they know him; and there shall be one fold and one shepherd; and he shall feed his sheep, and in him they shall find pasture.

Love always,

Sister Flores

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